yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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