But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize