respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
