I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
