I think I just saw someone hide a body.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
