yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
