Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize