I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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