I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize