I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
