She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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