Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
