Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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