She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
