so that wasnt chicken after all
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
