Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
