sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
