I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize