ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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