Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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