One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
