maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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