Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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