Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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