I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So vagazzling was a success
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
