Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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