White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
