I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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