I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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