At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
