I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
