dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
