Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You smell like stripper and shame
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
