That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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