apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
