I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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