i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
being pregnant is like rehab
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize