but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
