I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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