i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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