i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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