The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
