just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
