I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Couch. On fire.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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