Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
