Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
