I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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