At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize