maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
