I will die if light touches me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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