don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize