so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
