i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
