is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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