the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
