he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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