What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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