Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I miss vodka workout Fridays
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
