I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We don't watch enough power rangers
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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