I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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