Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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