He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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