I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i dont even know how to be here
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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