I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
