im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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