dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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