So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
