i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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