Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
